Okay, I Think I'm Ready Now

Last night I got the first Twilight book back from my aunt and embarrassingly stayed up until two in the morning reading it again. Don’t judge me. It wanted me to. And then I lay in bed for lord knows how long thinking about these ridiculous books, these insane characters, and I decided that I liked them. At the same time I decided that what compels me (granted, somewhat reluctantly) to stay up half the night reading it is their extreme power to suck me in. I am compelled by Twilight because of the escapist factors it offers to me. Here I am 22, monumentally single, broke as hell, considering grad school. Why be myself when I could exist in the greatest, most intense, passionate love story EV-AR? I mean, I know that in reality I would never ever for a moment consider being in a relationship like Edward and Bella’s—the misogyny and abusive aspects totally gross me out. But when I’m reading these books I am 17 again and worried about what’s happening Friday night. I’m hanging out with my friends watching the OC, and if I had read these books when I was 17, I don’t know if I ever would have come out of them. I just may have existed in Forks forever, walking around like a zombie looking for Edward around every corner. I think being 17, maybe a teenager, really, is the cruelest joke of all. You’re continually teetering (God, this sounds trite) between wanting to act on a gazillion different feelings and the actual gory agony of growing up. And Twilight finds that balance so perfectly. Seriously, great job, Stephanie Meyer.

I mean, I remember being 17 and half of me wanted to strike out on my own away from my family, and the other half wanted desperately to be taken care of for the rest of my life. Bella, at 17 gets all of that. She unlocks a secret world of vampires that only she is privileged to, and in that world she is practically worshiped as the prodigal daughter, come to lift their brooding son out of his darkness and into the fluffy clouds of first and true love. So she finds this person who she gets to stay with forever, masquerading as an adult, plus she’s completely taken of, never needing to make another real decision again. Okay, so there are some meddlesome vamps to deal with, but really? WTFC? Lord knows it’s not the gripping action scenes that make this series successful.

Twilight plays on every single fear and desire I had when I was 17, and does Stephanie Meyer do it well. She is, I believe, an agent of the patriarchy, but oh… she has created the perfect storm of stories—they will eat you alive and you’ll enjoy it until they spit you back out in your bed at your parent’s house and it’s 2:30 in the morning and you have to get up for work in four and a half hours.